Two Saturdays ago, I introduced the new weekly series I will be doing regarding letters I wrote to my husband during my dating hiatus after college, and how they helped prepare me for marriage. I didn’t know him yet, but you can find the explanation as to why on my first post. Each week, I will be posting a letter and a little insight into each of them, in the hopes that someone out there who may be struggling like I was can find encouragement.
The first time I sat down to write a letter, I felt really weird about it. I mean, who writes letters to a person they’ve never met and have no idea who they are? The whole concept was still a little out there for me, but I decided to trust in the feeling that led me to doing it.
I began each of my letters with a line of a song that I felt kind of related to what I was feeling at that time, in the hopes that they would help convey the emotion behind each letter to the man who would one day be my husband.
As odd as it may sound, the biggest intention I had in going into these letters was to help get my mind off my obsession of finding love. And surprisingly enough, writing letters to my future husband, whoever he would be, helped. It allowed me to convince myself he’d be there when the time was right, so that I could focus on becoming a better person.
The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly
Dear… husband? Future spouse? Bunny-wunny? (Oh dear, I hope we don’t have strange nicknames like that for each other!)
Not quite sure how to start this. It feels weird, writing to you when I don’t even know who you are yet. I’ve now made it almost a year and a half on my vow not to date. I don’t know if you’re dating right now. Maybe you are, or maybe you’ve never dated. Maybe you’re even in a serious relationship right now. Maybe you’ve made the same decision as me, to not date, but rather to court only when it becomes clear that something might really be there. It doesn’t really matter though, because it will be your past that helps shape you into the man I will be married to.
I want you to know, the reasons I’ve stepped back from dating are not because I think I am better than that, or am trying to seem high and mighty. Rather, there are three main reasons.
1) Dating is for me, too large of a distraction from God at this point in my life. I’m too unsure of who I am and unstable in how to become who I should be. Engaging in frivolous activities like casual dating at this point would thus do nothing more than drag me away from God.
2) All of my dating choices (prior to you of course) have been poor ones, resulting in me devaluing myself and sinking to levels I never would have DREAMED that I could possibly reach. See, I want to be pure for you; I want to be able to present myself to you on our wedding night spiritually and physically pure. I don’t want to risk compromising that by becoming relationally or physically intimate with someone just for the sake of having intimacy (because lets face it, I’m a sucker for wanting intimacy in my life).
3) Lastly, I want to use this time to allow God to transform me into the woman you need me to be as your wife. And with another guy in the picture, that couldn’t happen because I would be trying to conform to who he wanted me to be.
I hope that this will one day be one of the things that attracts you to me; not that I am something that is ‘good’, but that you will have an appreciation for my desire to be a Godly woman, and for my pursuit of putting Him and His will first. That rather than chasing after guys, I’m waiting for the one who’s man enough to chase me, and who’s Godly enough (or at least pursuing being a man of God) to want to stand firm in the same convictions I want in a relationship.
Love always and forever,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife