I spend so much time filled with fire and rage. It burns so hot that it threatens to swallow me whole. This passion inside of me destroys me as much as it drives me.
So many of us were raised believing fire and rage were bad. That we needed to put out the flames and fizzle out the fire because it wasn’t good. Instead of teaching us how to be enveloped by that fire without being consumed, we were taught to banish it from existence.
Some days, I find myself exhausted by the fire. As I learn to tame it and bend it to my will, it drains my strength and energy. Sometimes, it drains because it feels like I am fighting a losing battle.
I see people support things I was always taught we should stand against. With one breath, they curse the “evil liberals” for being “sheep”, yet never once consider doing their own research. They hang onto every word their chosen leader says but claim we are the ignorant ones.
Their hypocrisy is coagulated; it becomes more unbearable and more obvious with every passing day.
And so, the fire and rage burn. But as I learn the control I never knew existed, the fire and rage become hope itself. They push me to fight for a better tomorrow. I don’t want my child to grow up in the world swelling around me. A world where the men who harm women are made out to be victims and the women made into villains. This world where the “love of Christ” means spreading hate. Where “serving the Lord” means hurting the poor to lift up the rich.
Before anyone feels the need to say it, I know “Not All Christians”. But it’s enough. It’s enough that these beliefs are rampant and have driven people to abandon Christianity.
So yes, there is rage, and there is anger. There is fire and there is fury. All of that fuses together and pushes me to fight. To heal. To pursue real, genuine change.